In this muddled mess, I stand
This is a lonely place, one filled
With shattered glass and
Empty walls,
Crumpled papers blow
Cold metal stairs
Lead to a hidden room
Filled with unspeakable
things
Outside
Beauty sings, and windows
Shine brilliantly like polished silver
Blooming trees grow abundantly
But, a picturesque cobblestone path
leads to
Darkness and thickening gloom
The beauty falls away
And there is nothing left
Expect the truth
Which isn’t much
i like the imagery in this piece. Think about how the structure could enhance the meaning for the reader.
ReplyDeleteI like the line Beauty sings, and windows
ReplyDeleteShine brilliantly like polished silver. nice piece.
i think it's wonderfully 60's esk, with it's detachment from logic and reason while still retaining it's reality. good work. :)
ReplyDeletei love the ending to this.. you did a good job of seperating the spaces and making the reader see each one.
ReplyDeletei think you did a really good job with the imagry and contrast and making the reader feel the way you want them too
ReplyDeletethank you very much, i dislike the title so i think im going to change it to something else instead...any suggestions?
ReplyDelete